Well I do love lists, so here is another survey I nicked off someone's blog. Phoenix2k's to be precise. Steal it from me too, if you wish.

TEN FIRSTS
First best friend: A right brat called Emma.
First screen name: my full name, which I'm not telling you!
First Pet: A cat who I still have almost 20 years later
First Piercing: Ears when I was young but they closed up
First Crush: This guy in primary school that all the girls loved, but I only liked him because they did. My first really crush was probably Taylor Hanson.
First Record: A Take That CD was my first CD all of my own. The matriarch bought it for me as a surprise. I put the plastic bag on top of the cooker where it melted onto the hob.
First Love: Haven't been in love yet.

NINE LASTS
Last alcoholic beverage: Years ago. A sip of wine that I made a disgusted face at.
Last car ride: To uni.
Last movie seen: in the cinema - Breach. at home - Clueless.
Last phone call made: Can't remember, it's been a few days I think.
Last CD Played: I played a song from my mp3 player - Tenderness by General Public. Such a sweet and slightly cheesy song! Makes me nostalgiac.
Last Bubble bath: Years and years ago. We got rid of our bath
Last time you cried: Last week, being irrational again.

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: EW! No.
Have you ever been arrested: nope. I'm an angel.
Have you ever skinny dipped: No
Have you ever been on TV: Technically.
Have you ever kissed someone, and then regretted it: no
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone: yeah but i can't remember who, or if they even exist in real life
Have you ever had sex: none of your bloody business!

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
1. ancient baggy grey hoody
2. grey trackies
3. black and white polka dot socks
4. hair tie
5. rings
6. er...
7. well that's it really. I'm getting properly dressed later for college! Honestly.

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. Read novel for college
2. got dressed. sort of
3. checked email
4. had lunch
5. watched sky news coverage of gordon brown speech (what I'm doing right now actually!)
6. wrote this

FIVE FAVOURITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. Film
2. Music
3. Books
4. Chocolate
5. Animals

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO
1. Hmm... there isn't really anyone I can tell anything to.
2.
3.
4.

THREE CHOICES
1. Black or White: black for clothes, white for paint
2. Hot or Cold: cold
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Have a child with my soulmate
2. Make a film

ONE THING YOU REGRET
Not being more relaxed and carefree as a teenager.

There's Overheard in London and Dublin too. The disturbing comments that escape people's mouths. I'm pretty sure 90% of all people are insane. Which makes them normal, doesn't it?

Anyway, I though you might like some of these quotes from the streets of New York. Prepare for your mind to boggle. (Notice that the youngest kids seem the most stable)

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Dad: Hey, you hear that? That's someone on the giant piano. Let's go up and see it.
Seven-year-old girl: Yes, someone clearly uneducated is on the piano.

--FAO Schwarz

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Five-year-old boy: That shirt's nice! Where you get it?
Five-year-old girl: The store!
Five-year-old boy, impressed: Damn!

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Mom: Please eat your dinner.
Brat: Mommy, you're meaner than God.

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Customer to cashier: Can I have a job application, please?
Cashier to manager: I need a job application for this guy.
Manager: Why in the hell would you want to work here? I'm trying to quit!

--McDonald's, Queens College

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Shapely woman, yelling over shoulder: Stop looking at my butt!
Clerk leaving store: I'm sorry, I can't help it!

--The Village

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Dude: Can you help me? I'm bleeding.
Chick: What's the matter?
Dude: I'm fucking bleeding!

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Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]
Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God!

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NYU student: It must be hard to kill someone.
NYU professor: No, it's not.

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Boy #1: The fact is, KFC is the best.
Boy #2: Never! Burger King all the way. Does KFC have chicken fries?
Boy #1: Does Burger King have Colonel Sanders?
Boy #2: ... Good point.

(note from MB: what the hell are chicken fries?)

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Eight-year-old girl: Why you gotta be yap-yap-yapping all the time on your phone?
15-year-old sister: Shut up! You crazy!
Eight-year-old: Oh, yeah? You a como!
15-year-old sister: What the hell is a 'como'? That's not even a word!
Eight-year-old: Yes it is! 'Co-' like 'cold,' and 'mo-' like 'mole,' on your face!
15-year-old sister: Crazy...
Eight-year-old: You a como. I ain't crazy [gives sister the finger].

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Teen boy: I wanna get an American Eagle sweater.
Teen girl: I wanna punch you in the face.

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I was trying to work the title in to a pun of the Umbrella lyrics but I couldn't manage it. So here are my trifling dilemmas of the day. Feel free to fling your opinions any which way. As long as it's towards my blog.

1. Should I join the university drama society this year? I would join as an actress but I am much too shy. However, if I want to be an actress or work in film, I need to get over that little obstacle. But I can't seem to decide if I'm brave enough.
2. Is it so wrong to fancy Gordon Brown and Marco Pierre White? I think I know the answer to that one. The real dilemma is whether I need professional psychological observation?
3. Should I try and find out if I can complete my studies in another country?
4. Should I ask my doctor for temporary sleep medication? It's getting ridiculous. I see stars in the sky people will never see, simply because they SLEEP AT NORMAL HOURS!! But I don't like relying on medication.
5. Should I set up a shop on Ebay? Or is it more trouble than it's worth?
6. Should I stop typing inane entries for my blog instead of reading boring articles about political criticism in world cinema (meh?!!) for college?

I'll answer the last one. *sigh* Yes, I should.

Au revoir, till I decide to procrastinate later on. Guaranteed.

Ooh I do feel stupid. I did a clearout in my room. There were four piles - Keep, Discard, Ebay, Recycle. I had a pile of clothes for recycling so I thought I would bring them to the new bin down by my local supermarket. Only after I put them in, despite the MASSIVE white letters on the front, did I realise that it was in fact a collection bin for clothes for third world countries. The reason for my embarrassment is that my bag of rubbish included minging, faded old pants, socks and bras, which are of NO use to anyone. No charity shop in their right minds accepts them. I always make sure I wash clothes before I give them to charity, but this lot smelled of mildew. Now some person is going to have to sort through this mess and pick out some idiot's old underwear and shabby jeans. CRINGE.
One of my pet hates is when people have the attitude that new clothes shouldn't be bought specifically for sending to people in poverty, or that they should be grateful to receive the shabby rubbish people dump in the door of charity shops. My question is why, just because they are used to having very little, should they not deserve or expect nice, clean clothes or brand new items? Does what hand you have been in dealt in life define what you deserve? I certainly hope not.
So as I am of that opinion, you can understand my mortification. On the other hand, there is every chance that a certain group of travellers (who do not happen to be very nice people, as opposed to another group of travellers who frequent the area and are perfectly pleasant) will pillage this bin again (as I have witnessed them doing several times since the appearance of the bin), and find themselves rewarded with a grey bra and a pair of pants with an applique mouse on the front. Seriously - an applique mouse. That will teach them to steal from the third world.

I made up a survey thing for anyone to nick for their blog if they wish.

My favourite (you can give more than one answer):

animal: cats, dogs, dolphins, horses, lambs, ostriches and emus
food: roast dinner, noodles, stir fry
book: Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter
item of clothing: navy high collar, short sleeved shirt with lace inlay near neck and white polka dots, fifties style, jeans
item of stationary: hardback notebooks and fountain pens. ooh and quills
musical instrument: piano, violin and guitar. and cellos
band: Nouvelle Vague
country: England and France
city: London, Paris
drink: water and diet cola
chocolate bar: Chocolate Buttons
item of furniture: really deep and squashy armchairs, bed
magazine: heat
beauty item: Vaseline - you can use it on your lips, dry skin, rashes, eyelashes - it's a miracle!
hat: berets, top hats and bonnets
vehicle: classic cars, Vespas (preferably pink or blue) and VW camper vans
film genre: any except horror or really psychologically disturbing ones that affect you for days
film: i am not listing them because it would fill a whole other post
school subject: English and Music

Feel free to add other favourites in a comment and I'll add them to this. Can you tell I'm bored? I've been blowing my nose and having hot flushes so much that I look like a cross between Gollum, Rudolph and Noddy.

This is a little difficult. I could name twenty. I may end up naming twenty...let's see. This is vaguely in order of preference.

1.Karl Pilkington (he is number one because I am currently obsessed, not because he is technically the funniest, seeing as he doesn't even realise he is funny. The frightening thing is that half of the things he says have a strange type of logic.
2.Alan Rickman (it helps that I fancy him but he is bloody witty, and totally upstaged Eddie Izzard on stage once during a version of a Monty Python sketch)
3.John Cleese (and any of the Pythons but he gets the mention cos of Fawlty Towers)
4.Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant
5.Lee and Herring (this is me cheating because Stewart Lee and Richard Herring used to be comedy partners and that period of their comedy careers was the funniest)
6.Bill Bailey
7.Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett aka. The Mighty Boosh
8.Dylan Moran
9.Stephen Fry
10.Hugh Laurie
11.Rich Hall
12.Alan Davies
13.Reeves and Mortimer
14.Paul Merton
15.David O'Doherty
16.Morecombe and Wise
17.French and Saunders
18.Harry Hill
19.Tommy Tiernan
20.Billy Connolly

There have to be plenty of hysterical women out there. In fact, there are but we don't see enough of them. Kath and Kim and Jo Brand are only two that I can think of offhand. They didn't quite make my list but I can't think of any other women that makes me helpless with laughter, except maybe Joanna Lumley or Emma Thompson(I wish they were my aunts). I'm convinced that the fact we have softer voices is a disadvantage. If you watch a panel show and there is one woman there and two or more men, she'll barely get a word in edgeways and if she does there'll probably only be a polite titter. Women practically have to desexualise themselves to be appreciated for their humour. Even Kath and Kim is helped by the fact that the two (very pretty in real life) women are unattractive in the program. COME ON FUNNY LADIES, SHOW YOURSELVES!!

This dang cold won't go AWAY. It's my fault for not refusing all the various things I was asked to do yesterday and then going out to a comedy gig, while I'm suffering from hot flushes, shaky legs and coughing spasms. So anyway, prepare for the possibility of lots of LISTS today! Hurrah. I love lists. (Oh and in case you're wondering what I am eating - it's chocolate. Of course. Even being ill can't put me off it.)

Top 10 Least Funny People

1.Bernard Manning
2.Jim Davidson
3.Andy Dick
4.Anyone on Give My Head Peace
5.Frank Carson
6.Lee Evans
7.Kenneth Williams (sorry I know he was a national treasure)
8.Eddie Murphy
9.Jimmy Carr (he does say the occasional clever thing but he's too cruel)
10.Eddie Izzard (now I know there will be uproar over that and actually I think he was hilarious - WAS. I love his old shows and I even used to read his book to cheer myself up. But in the last few years he has become fully obsessed with fame and success. He's so pretentious, it's bizarre. He actually compared a tiny part he badly acted in some third rate film to Judi Dench's Oscar winning performance in Shakespeare In Love, saying that the smaller roles are often the most memorable. He is not a good actor, and is so obviously trying to do the Hugh Laurie thing - he basically SAID that, but sorry - no one can compare to Hugh Laurie. On top of all that, he now seems to have lost most of his clever humour, thinking instead that it is enough to just throw some random scenarios and words together and the audience will laugh. Grrr he makes me mad.)

I do love my lists you know, and questionnaires and surveys get me plain hot under the collar (even though I don't wear collars) so here we go:

Two Names You Go By:
1. Not
2. Telling Although one of them is Shithead. Excuse the language but you asked.

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1 A sickly scowl
2 A tissue up my nose

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1 Love
2 Laughter

Two Things You Should Do:
1 Pay my fees (CRAP I FORGOT)
2 Go to sleep

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1 To move to London
2 A really cuddly kitten

Two Things You Did Last Night:
1 Sneezed
2 Dreamed about Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility (the Alan Rickman version...rarrr)

Two Things You Hated Today:
1 The hot sweats from my cold as I ran round trying frantically to do all the errands.
2 Getting a highly embarrassing coughing spasm in the middle of a comedy gig.

Two People You Last Talked To:
1 Matriarch
2 Sibling

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1 Sleeping
2 Taking Nurofen

Two longest recent car rides:
1 My last driving lesson was the longest hour of my life
2 To a shopping centre a long way away

Two Favourite Holidays: (of all time?)
1 3 days in Disneyworld that I won when I was 14 but I didn't even know I had been entered.
2 Visiting relations in Isle of Mann when I was little

Two Favourite Beverages:
1 Diet Coke (morally bankrupt I know)
2 Water

Two Things That Would Surprise You About Me:
1 I don't hate EVERYONE
2 I don't talk much

Two Jobs I Have Had In My Life:
1 Video store sales assistant (the shop had tanning machines too...why?!)
2 Test corrector

Two Movies I would watch over and over:
1 Amelie
2 Breakfast At Tiffanys
and Die Hard. and Cinema Paradiso. and Strictly Ballroom...oh come on this question is ridiculously limiting

Two Places I have lived:
1 Just here unfortunately
2 Does my mother's tummy count?

Two Favourite kinds of foods:
1 The matriarch's roast dinner
2 Noodles!!!

Two Places I'd rather be right now:
1 London
2 France

I'm being sarcastic again. Soon, I will stop clarifying that and assume you know when I'm being facetious, seeing as it is such a regular occurrence. I woke up after 3 hours sleep due to the development of a delightful head cold and sore throat. I dosed myself with Disprin and Strepsils and Soothers and sugar, then headed off for my driving lesson at 11.15 am. But oh no. No no no. It was not at 11.15 it was at 1pm. I had forgotten (due to my mind being more concerned with various distractions such as feeding the neighbour's cat, letting the neighbour's cat out, watering our family friend's plants in another neighbourhood and cleaning the house without a working hoover) that the time had been changed after the instructor put out his back. Luckily I had several errands to run in the labyrinthian shopping centre while I waited, which looks like a sanitarium.
Then, during my lesson, two different people beeped at me at different times despite my being in a driving school car, although amazingly it didn't bother me because as far as I was concerned, they were utter imbeciles and I was just thankful I wasn't them. I mean one of them was just simply being a bitch because she beeped a split second after the light turned green - no one moves off that quickly. If she could have heard me I would have called her a very bad name indeed. And she had terrible hair.
Then my lesson ended, and I couldn't decide whether my shaky legs were due to road terror or impending flu, so I took some Disprin I had mixed in a water bottle (don't worry I waited as long as you should after your last dose). Then I found myself in Tesco (literally 'found myself in' because I intended to go straight home. I'm still not sure how I ended up there) and finally got that new whitening toothbrush by Crest that I've had my eye on - I have no idea whether my joy at getting my hands on one was down to having no life, or being absolutely off my head on Disprin and lack of oxygen to the brain due to excessive nose-blowing, but joy there was none the less.
I wandered home like a zombie to see a mess made in the kitchen by the sibling who had gone home for lunch instead of her flat because she had an appointment nearby. Nor had the dishwasher been emptied, so in a fluey stupor I scoured the kitchen, then collapsed on my bed in the middle of what looked like a nuclear explosion in a teenagers room. "I'll clean it in a minute" I thought, before waking up two hours later.
Then I had to find something for the patriarch's dinner, as the matriarch is away and she always cooks for him because he can only cook baked beans. Due to cottonwool brain, I burned the waffles and had to cut them in half and put the two non-burned sides together to make up one waffle and then put on another while trying to keep the salvaged one warm and grill rashers while cooking an omelette and tasting the green beans which WOULD NOT BLOODY COOK. And my Dad doesn't believe that women are better at multi-tasking...just try that father, try that! (It turned out "very tasty" in the end).
Anyway, after a threatened savage attack from my lovely cat, I have retired to my bed to sleep, only now, of course, I am absolutely wide awake after a laughing fit caused by 1. a friend texting me a picture of herself doing an impression of ME doing an impression of Gordon Brown's mouth at the end of every sentence and 2. the fantastic Armando Iannucci series Time Trumpet, which I highly recommend. It can be seen on YouTube or http://www.tv-links.co.uk and is a sort of nostalgia show but from the point of view of people in 2030. Look out for Tony Blair 'seeing ghosts'.
In fact, I will post a video of that in a minute.
On another subject - why is the spell-check on this website saying that I am spelling 'omelette' wrong? (IRONY ALERT: I just spelled 'wrong' 'worng').