I have to warn those of a sensitive disposition that there really is some strong language here. But come on it's a parrot! This is possibly in my Top 10 funniest moments of all time. If you want to see some genius timing and an excellent choice of what words to put the stress on, watch the last ten seconds. Enjoy!

Three-year-old girl to no one in particular: The white man is everywhere. [Mother looks at her, puzzled. Girl gazes up at crosswalk sign] The white man tells us when to go.

--86th & 2nd

Here is a very rough transcript.

Matriarch: "Now you decide where it is you want to turn and make assertive decisions before you reach the point where you have to stop and turn"
Me: OK (makes assertive decision to turn left, starts slowing down and changing down a gear)
Matriarch: No you're better to turn right. TURN RIGHT QUICK!! You're too near to this car, NOOO Don't turn right that's the main road!!"
ME: OK OK OK!! I was turning left in the first place, SHUSH you're PANICKING me (Car shudders to heart stopping stop.)
Matriarch: Tut.
Me: Mum, it won't start, can you take over I'm too flustered.
Matriarch: No you're ok just start again.
Me: But it won't Mum quick swap with me there's a van behind us
(Swap very quickly and I wave apologetically to the surprisingly patient van driver behind us. Mother proceeds to drive too close to cars on left, approach corner too fast and then I notice that the side pockets are FULL of her used tissues and a few leaves. Not that I'm complaining - I have a car. But honestly, used tissues!! There were so many that they were actually compacted in to the pocket )

Next time I'm making her sit in the back, she always thinks I'm too near cars on the left and I never am, it always looks that way in the passenger seat.

Anyway, I just ate yet another Wispa. Because of my nerves you see. It's a modern day smelling salt. Honestly, it's nothing to do with gluttony

Isn't everyone a little random? My family is always telling me I'm weird and describe me to friends as having lots of 'quirks'. It's meant affectionately and I guess I can't blame them seeing as I used to talk to an imaginary fairy behind a bookshelf in the living room when I was little. But the latest example of my supposed weirdness is buying bento containers from Ebay, Japanese snacks from J-List because "I like the packaging" (but the Japanese are very creative with their products), buying antique ("antique-style" so... plastic then!)pill boxes for Panadol, and buying the soundtrack of an anime drama series that no one has heard of. But surely these things don't make me so much more unique than everyone else? I'm not into Tool like my friend is (because I just don't enjoy being screamed at through the car stereo, our college tutors do enough of that thank you), but she insists I will like them after a while. Despite having played them everytime I have seen her in the last year to no avail. But I wouldn't expect her to be into the things I like, like old movies, literature and Rainbow Brite necklaces! Surely everyone is unique? I don't feel offended to be referred to as particularly unique, in fact it's a compliment, but I just would love to know at which point do you become so much more so that people actually comment on it? The matriarch says it's more the questions I ask and the way I phrase and observe things. I guess, once again, I can't blame them seeing as I did hear myself (in a sudden moment of embarrassing self-awareness) say "Imagine if you did have two left feet?
The patriarch puts up with it for approximately two minutes maximum before saying "Ok I don't want to talk about this. Quiet". Charming.

I have quite literally been holed up in my room for five days straight writing essays and reading frantically to try and keep up with college. Can anyone explain what the logic of the following is to me please? It is a well-known fact that it takes about a week or two to settle into college, figure out where you're even supposed to be in the first place and get your hands on the ever elusive reading list. I make a special effort to be organised and start reading the books as soon as I get them. Then end of the week before last, darling tutors each casually say "Oh have you finished the books yet? Essays in next week ok?"
Sorry but how is anyone who is not capable of pulling a Hermione (geeky Harry Potter reference to the object Hermione is given in order to attend classes that are on at exactly the same time, not pulling as in snogging), supposed to read three novels in two weeks, as well as several articles on those texts, read theory books and then write academic essays on the most ridiculous and contrived questions ever? Well, I've managed it somehow. Well that's a lie, I read about two thirds of the novels, somehow wrote essays on books I haven't read completely, and glanced over the articles. And now I have to start three more books, and finish the ones I was writing essays on and somehow get some sleep too.
And on another topic - SHUT UP PHONE!!! Oh my god, just as I was typing the above the phone rings. There is no one else in the house and I am busy and it won't be for me. If they need someone they will ring their mobile or my mobile. So I leave it. Yet, as always happens, the phone rings about 20 times. WHAT IS THE POINT, WHAT IS THE BLOODY POINT OF THAT? First of all, after about six or seven rings maximum surely you assume no one is home, after ten, surely you assume that even if someone is home THEY AREN'T ANSWERING. So SHUT UP! It gets to the stage where it's too late to run to pick it up but it's getting creepy.
And don't even get me started on the pretentious argumentative students in my English tutorial today. Obnoxious isn't the word. Instead of considering someone else's argument, they get defensive and huffy that their wondrous epiphany isn't the definitive answer. Oh I'm not even going to start talking about the people in college, I'll only get angry.
So as you can tell I'm in a FANTASTIC mood and this might be my last post for another age as I plough my way through ANOTHER book I haven't chosen to read.
AND I have no money cos it's all disappearing through the exhaust of the motoring school car.

Hurrah!!!! God I missed these. Why did they get rid of them anyway? I mean Dairymilk Bubblys aren't exactly disgusting but they are not Wispas. Look at it in all it's nostalgiac wonder.